Relationships stuck???

It seems like I've been having a conversation that keeps reoccurring related to relationships and why we do some of the things we do as individuals. People really aren't that unpredictable. You make predictions on how people will react or act all the time. Perfect examples of this is when driving, if you drive, you sense when someone will try to move over into your lane and most of the time you're correct on your prediction because you later notice the car has in fact switched lanes and no one told you about the potential move but you knew. You picked up on cues but we tend to turn these senses off when interacting directly with people.  So if you're naturally inclined to pick up signals of others then why are so many people single? Shouldn't you notice when there are people who show signs of interest and vice versa?  Well of course you do but the problem is that we disregard them and most likely that you block the interaction due to your own preconceived idea of who you should date. You know... "the list".

So back to my initial conversation topic. I was discussing a person who we both knew and I mentioned that this person was now married and my friend said that all "sluts" tend to get married and I thought about it and that statement seemed to be accurate. Disregarding that she called her a slut but that's a whole different story. So why is it that all the people who we consider fast or "loose" find love but others are not so successful? It's a basic answer to this and it's because they don't limit their options to a ideal of who they think they should be with. Now... don't get me wrong because there is nothing wrong with having standards. Standards being those requirements such as no drugs, or they must have an income or must have good sense of family. Those types of things are great but when you start adding things to the list like he must be over six foot tall and he must love parties and wine then you're limiting yourself and limiting your options.

People who tend to date more openly are usually more open minded and don't get caught up on trying to make that ONE person fit into their lives when they don't want to be there. I'm sure you're asking me through your pc what exactly do I mean by this one? Well what I've noticed with a lot of single people that I know, they're stuck on one particular person and it's been years of them trying to change this person into the person they want them to be instead of moving on with their lives. I've also noticed that this trend tends to have a huge gender bias and women are normally impacted by this more severely and women tend to stay "stuck" longer then men. Men can become fixated too but time has a way of pushing men out of this faster than women. I personally know of a few women who happen to fall into this category and they're beautiful women but they were in a relationship with a person and for whatever reason it didn't work out or the men stuck them into the "friend zone" and they've been desperately trying to change that or in some cases just flat out deny the issues because they're still sexually involved. Instead of moving on and meeting new people they tend to look for attributes in others that match the object of their obsession and then either stick with the original person or switch to other people with the same character flaws that didn't work in the first place. After years and years of this type of self abuse, of course they feel that the dating pool is too shallow and that the prospects are bleak but in reality, it's your own choices that are blocking you from finding someone. It's called blocking your blessings and we do this too often in different areas of our lives!

The same is true with friendships because friendships are relationships too. When you're at that point when you look around at the friends that you've selected and feel that you have less in less in common but you aren't able to meet new people you just need to change a few habits and open up your selection pool. I know it seems hard but its really not that difficult.

Let's list what you can do to get started attracting new people to your circle.

1.  Join a few clubs or groups that you normally wouldn't.
2.  Volunteer at a charity that is personal and holds significant meaning to you. You're more likely to      meet people who have similar interest when you're doing something that holds a personal  
     connection to you.
3.  If you have children, then visit places where children are the main focus and volunteer there.
4.  Look to things that bring you personal joy such as hobbies or things you search for the most in
     Google. That's a starting place.

You may think that you have no real personal interest but you do. You just need help discovering what those interest are and when you finally figure that out, then you'll find all the right people and it will just fall together and it will feel right.

I would love to hear what you think about this. Feedback is always welcome.

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