1/08/2019

Is R. Kelly a Psychopath? Seems like it

Did you watch the R. Kelly documentary? My timeline has been flooded with opinions on the docu-series so I streamed it to check it out. I watched with mixed emotions thinking about the parents of those girls and then I came to the conclusion that the series missed outright diagnosing him as a psychopath. After watching there is no doubt in my mind that R. Kelly is a predator but he clearly lacks empathy and is great at preying on the vulnerabilities of people.

The world is beautiful place however it can show you extremely horrible things. Nature in itself display example of prey and predator in all species. There will always be people with intentions on harming others so it’s in our best interest to build awareness on how to pinpoint their tactics. A trait that 99% of us have is our ability to be empathetic. Our empathy is a mechanism that guides our conscience and prohibits most of us from going too far into a negative experience. The reason I go into detail regarding this is because there is one component that was not well delivered in the documentary and it’s based on psychology and emotions. There is no doubt that R. Kelly is a predator and like all predators they have an uncanny ability to pick up on subtle social cues that appeal to them or better yet their social deviance. Predators have fine tuned their ability to find suitable prey and when you throw in R. Kelly's celebrity status he definitely didn't have to look far for victims. Ordinary people experience similar situations but when we meet someone and think we have an “instant connection” most often its a decoy.  There is no such a thing as instant connections with random people. It’s our own thought process that determines we have instantly connected with someone when in fact it's typically a ploy to reduce your natural skepticism. The person tends to let you naturally talk about yourself and you lead the conversation and they fill in the gaps with what you want to hear. It's this mechanism that predators use to be appealing to their prey. 

Predators understand that we’re creatures of habit and tend to easily sense when someone will be susceptible to their advances quite easily. Our habits and personality aren’t as unique as we like to think and the average person is quite predictable. Predators perfect their senses early in life by constantly pushing limits within their social circles and in time perfect their craft. Young people are more prone to act on their sense of wonderment without restraint which allowed R. Kelly to find easy prey who stuck around. It’s the same principle used by marketers and advertisers when they try to appeal to young people to develop habits that are hard to kick. Prime example of this would be cigarettes or hookah. Hookah lounges are flooded with people who have fallen for propaganda that it’s cool to smoke flavored tobacco in appealing bongs so that they can post pictures for social media. To summarize we all have desires and there are triggers that would entice every one of us if situation allows. However for R. Kelly he used his celebrity status and the idea that association would bring on assimilation to manipulate young girls to fulfill his proclivities. Then brainwashed these young girls into being subservient to him over time.

So how do you know when you're being manipulated or when a predator is at hand? Below are a few warning signs that you're in the mist of a psychopath and predator.

  1. They engage your curiosity and capture your attention. They are incredibly skilled in the art of peacocking. They know how to draw your attention and curiosity but subconsciously you may not detect that curiosity as a threat. 
  2. They maintain a calm demeanor which allows them to present themselves as calm until you've lowered your guard and then they show their true intent. 
  3. They play you close! Literally! They invade your personal space to see how much of you'll allow.
  4. They will display some form of contempt as they are naturally contemptuous.  
  5. Their emotions can switch instantly going from complete calm, to rage and back to calm all in a matter of seconds. 
  6. They exude an air of superiority and confidence. 
  7. They are contradictory between what they say and do. If they describe one thing and you experience the complete opposite. It's a behavioral nuance that is unavoidable for psychopaths because they cannot often keep up the facade they are verbally telling you. They tell you things they know you want to hear but often cannot fulfill their promises or stories. They will try to shift that blame or make you believe you misunderstood their intent. 
  8. there will be aspects of their demeanor or life that is impenetrable. They will not allow you to see behind their curtain fully and will keep you in the dark about things that most are willing to share. 



12/10/2018

Best Ways to Retain Hair Moisture During Winter Months

Hair like plants go through transitions along with the change in weather. During the brutal winter months hair tends to get severely damaged from the dry cold air as well as hats and scarves which lead to dry, brittle split ends. But there is hope and it's free! So what's the magic cure for your hair you ask? Plain ole STEAM and body heat! Steam works magic on hair and skin to combat the harsh elements and helps to add moisture.  It's imperative that we retain moisture but it's hard to do with just topical ointment and oils alone. This is exactly why the Baggy Method is simple but works perfectly to moisturize and add shine back to your winter beaten hair.

If you're unfamiliar with the Baggy Method, basically it's adding oil or a light leave-in conditioner to the hair and sitting with a plastic cap to retain your natural body heat. When applying the oil I like to concentrating on the ends working my way to the scalp. After applying oil to the hair and leaving a plastic cap on overnight will result in great results but over night treatments aren't necessary. Adding the baggy method to your nightly regimen two to three times per week, making sure you leave the cap on for a minimum of 30 minutes each session works perfectly too.  You'll also noticeably hear the difference in your dry hair versus that of your moisturized hair. Dry hair sounds like straw rubbing when you rub it between your fingers or against your head. Where as hair that has the proper moisture does not have that same coarse sound. The hair follicles slide against each other without severe friction and experience less tangles.

In regards to your skin the winter chill impacts us each in multiple ways. The most noticeable being that it strips our skin of it's natural oils and is easily seen and felt on the hands and face. The colder temperature reduces sebum which acts as our skins barrier and protections by trapping in moisture. Perfect example of how our natural oil is severely compromised is the higher use of lip balms during the winter months. Your lips don't produce sebum because they lack sebaceous glands therefore you experience higher chapped lip in colder temperature. Topical moisture and steam are the only ways to combat severe chapped lips.  For skin to benefit quickly from steam treatments it's best to carve aside 10 minutes twice a week to steam clean your skin. Also you'll benefit from adding a small humidifier in your bedroom while you sleep. Covering the hands and feet with Vaseline also works wonders! (covered here in an earlier post: Vaseline: save-your-money-skin-tip)

11/16/2018

Conquering 9-5 and increase your income


Corporate life can be down right draining at times and there isn't a blue print to follow which makes it more difficult to navigate. It's been known to cause a few individuals to become overly stressed and outright depressed unless you know how to navigate it. There are rules to everything and corporate life is no different. It can be cliquish, some people can be outright evil and it can lead to you wondering why bother. However if you remember your main objective and devise a plan for yourself it's quite easy. Which is why I've decided to share a few rules that I've picked up along the way. boardroom

I've learned a thing or two along the years and it's helped me accomplish a lot. First... I'm not a college graduate but I've clawed my way up along the ranks to earning a six figure salary. I'm constantly asked by colleagues how I've established myself so well so I thought I'd share tips I've picked up with you. To begin my main objective for working has always been to earn the most that I possibly could while attempting to succeed in other ventures.  Honestly I thought of my corporate career would be temporary while I followed my true passion with several entrepreneurial endeavors. To my dismay my entrepreneurial attempts never matched my success in the corporate world which seemed to come rather easily. 
happy hour First thing is to know your goal and to stick to it. Remember I've always remained focus about why I'm working and that was for money. However I have changed career paths because some paths aren't worth taking if you're not happy. I find satisfaction in what I do currently but I still do it for the paycheck for my family. One thing I've noticed is that a lot of people fall into using their job to pool for friends. The trick here is to find a few seasoned individuals that you can use to pick their brains and develop a mutual working rapport. That's not to say you may not enjoy a quick chat or two but keep it professional. In an office setting, it's too easy to fall into the office gossip circuit and that can harm your upward mobility.  I'm not going to say that I have not met a few people who I've genuinely liked but I've always kept my personal and professional lives separate. This is rule #1! Especially when it comes to social media. Never accept a friend request from current coworkers. I don't care how many times you've hit up  happy hour with them.  They can take your personal post and use it as fuel for office gossip. This can be used to paint you in a unflattering manner so keep the two separate. If someone asks you why you don't accept their friend request kindly state your belief of not mixing personal and professional contact. It's okay to interact on platforms designed around your career such as LinkedIn but all other platforms should remain private. It's too easy now a days to have a personal post misconstrued. 

10/25/2018

Break the Cycle and ACHIEVE More!!!

We've all at one point in time or another had the feeling we weren't progressing or moving in the direction we thought we would. For me, it's traditionally around my birthday when I start thinking about what the next year will bring for me. Some of the things I've learned in life that served me well is to remain true to myself, always be respectful even when my head may tell you otherwise, and to be as strategic as possible. To get to the next plateau in life you must make a bold move. However to be successful you will need to be strategic and plan out the smaller executable action items to achieve the larger goal. This is the blueprint for achieving the next plateau when you may feel stuck!

Remain True To Yourself
Never compromise your core beliefs to fit in to what you may view as the norm. Whether it be your quirky personality, infectious smile or an against the grain way of thinking. Uniqueness is a great gift and if you have a different view point or a unique way of execution, then that is your slight advantage and should be used to get noticed. Not fitting in with the status quo is a strategic move all in itself as long as you know how to utilize that uniqueness to achieve your desired goal. It's all in the  rarity of the execution! As life has shown us, there is always a small percentage of folks that achieve more than the masses and the reason behind that is typically due to the oddity within them. That oddity or what some may see as an oddity gives them a different perspective and allows them to approach things in a unique manner. Everyone has a uniqueness within them but we're systematically programmed to follow the majority instead of being taught how to fine tune our individuality and unique qualities. We're trained for automation and to follow what has worked in the past. Very rarely given thought as to how we can add improvements and those who break from that mindset are the innovators and self achievers within the collective.


Always Be Respectful In Spite of...
This is one that may be the absolute hardest to achieve. It's easy to get sucked into the collective "shit show". Everyone is a master complainer in today's world. Sit at a light 2 seconds too long and someone is honking their horn. Look nice at work or actually know your job and someone is secretly talking behind your back and trying to discredit or belittle you for something. No need to get distracted over things that you can't change and you cannot change someones negative behavior towards you. However you are always in control of how you react! Kill them with kindness or ignore them because they aren't imperative to your goals. People hate when their efforts are ignored or better yet they hate when you win in spite of their negative attempts. I promise you that the best way to ensure that you win is to stay classy and keep doing what you're doing because it's not only being observed by your haters. Your respectfulness is also being quietly observed by others who aren't so vocal and malicious and those are the ones who matter. Not because they matter to you directly but because as you move upward you'll be surprised how many people transition to where you're going as well. You'll always run into someone you've known previously and it's best that they have a good impression on how you conduct yourself because that news travels too. It's HOW YOU REACT and HOW YOU CONDUCT YOURSELF that matter. Especially to you in the long run!

Be Strategic
The best thing you can do for yourself is to start a journal or invest in a planner to set goals! I believe this was the first post or close to it that I ever posted and it was certainly about setting goals for yourself. (found it: (your minority report) Large goals and small supporting goals are all to be written down! It sets you on a subconscious path to achievement without you even realizing it. You will achieve or get damn near close to achieving your goal in your set time frame. You just have to write it down and set micro milestone goals to support the major ones. This has worked for me 100% of the time! Even when I've doubted my abilities and the goals itself.