Be Urself In the Workplace

I recently read an article in Huffington Post Black Voices that could transcend across racial lines to include all cultural divides and even gender but let's stay with the topic set by the article. I myself have felt the range of emotions in the workplace and I've definitely experienced some bias but something that I've learned along my journey is that I cannot let other peoples negativity sway my self perception. In addition someones negativity will not intervene with my professionalism in the work-place and what it all boils down to is your professionalism. U I will share a true story that helped me ease the boundaries that I felt in the workplace once when I was going on a team building trip with co-workers in the middle of Arkansas. Keep in mind for the newbies to my blog that I am an I.T. professional. I've been in I.T. for over 10 years and once, prior to going on a work team building trip with my colleagues I was debating on what to do with my hair since I'm natural (with a relaxer). I really was debating what to do for days and I casually mentioned it in a group setting and one of my colleagues who happen to be a Vietnamese middle aged man said "why don't you just braid it?" and I swear I was in shock. hahaha I had NEVER braided my hair at all beforehand in my I.T. job because I feared it wouldn't be perceived as unprofessional but here I was putting boundaries on myself. Needless to say that I put box braids in my hair and went on the weekend work trip and I did receive the normal questions about how I care for the braids etc. but overall after the few questions and the regular "I love your braids" comments I was over it. It wasn't as uncomfortable of an experience as I thought it would be. I later ventured into wig for protective styles and I could careless who knows it's a damn wig on a Tuesday. Everyone has seen my natural bob cut and if they see a short pixie then they know it's a wig. Still every now and then if I do wear my hair out of my traditional everyday Bob then I do get the occasional "did you cut your hair" or "I didn't recognize you". Fast forward to just a few weeks ago I saw another middle aged white colleague with bright pink hair. I chalked it up to a mid life experience and in my own mind took a mental note that she too probably pondered over that decision for a while and add in the age factor and I'm sure the comments she received were through the roof but but to each his/her own. Hey... if you like it then I love it. None of your personal expressions should interfere with work performance and it all boils down to your work performance. Similarly to any social setting you'll find those who vibe with you or not and if not then that's okay too. One thing for certain is that you should always try to find little things that make you happy and gives others a true sense of your identity whatever that may be. You're only doing a disservice to yourself if you try to suppress your individuality to fit in. It's the same with school and something that I've told my own daughter for years... do you and if need be get comfortable being by yourself and doing things that feel good to you. No one else has to travel your journey and for the most part other people are soul searching too. It takes a lot practice to be comfortable in your own company. We all vibrate at different frequencies and finding the frequency that best fits your identity, you'll also find your tribe. Your tribe are those who vibe at the same frequency as you. Vibrating at your optimal peak will always lead you in the right direction in life and you'll get a sense of those people who vibrations are similar to you. Let your intuition guide you and let the naysayers watch while you shine.


Netflix and Chill???

The weather on the east coast has been brutal as of late so what better past time is there than watching Netflix. I've been Netflix and chilling for a minutes now with the recent holidays and timeoff from work so when I stumbled upon a documentary named "Requiem for the American Dream" and it was truly disheartening. At the same time it was an intelligent depiction of what the American Dream and democracy has progressed into. It really does a phenomenal job of explaining the illusion of democracy and how the elite keep the masses cloaked in fear and doubt to exploit the masses for cheap labor while lining their pockets like no other time in history. It summarizes our society up perfectly and explains that working for pennies on the dollar is actually the modern day slavery and has been so for a very long time. Narrated by Noam Chomsky a political activist and historian. It's definitely worth the time if you're looking for something good to watch and eventhough it's non-fiction and a bit dry, I highly recommend it.


New Year... New Office

We’re now 2 days into the new year and I’m officially about to head back into the office tomorrow but it’s daunting. I’ve become extremely comfortable browsing online stores for deals and staying at home with family. So much in fact that I’ve invested a few dollars in sprucing up my own home office for the new year and adding a few things that can transition from my home office to my actual office and I thought I would share.

I definitely believe in writing things down so imagine my surprise when I saw a super cute journal online for cheap. I mean I literally have “to-do list”, shopping list, personal notes and business notes on Post It’s all over my office and I needed a new cute notebook that I can carry around with me everywhere. Also my little comic desk top calendar ended so I was definitely in need of a replacement and I got both a notebook and a cute calendar from www.niftysgits.com. I mean it’s really cute stuff!!! How could I actually resist especially since I’ve been taking advantage of the all after Christmas sales? Take a look around and don’t say I’ve never done anything for you.


Is Watching Porn a Form of Cheating?

Do you or your partner watch porn? Does the question have stipulations and is watching porn apart from your spouse a form of cheating? I recently read numerous articles about porn being unhealthy for a relationship and I must say that I totally disagree with that analysis. People get hung up on the idea of porn interfering with their spouses sex drive and is believed to be addictive for some people looking for a quick dopamine high. However I do not think porn in itself can interfere with a healthy sex life within a healthy relationship. The key word that I keep reiterating is "healthy" and what a healthy relationship looks like is completely dependent upon the people involved. What's acceptable for me in my relationship may be cause of concern within another therefore what's considered "healthy" is debatable. However I believe porn can help remedy the routine that sometimes is associated with the monotony of a long term relationship.

One of the main arguments about watching porn was that the brain doesn’t differentiate between watching a sex scene and wanting to physically act out with the person they're watching. It's suggested that if a person is watching porn then they’re lusting over someone else and their spouse loses out because they’re not their primary source of desire but is that really valid? For me watching the act of sex in no way makes me want to partake in the session I'm viewing but it does serve as the catalyst for arousal which gets me in the mood. I can't speak for everyone but for me it takes more then just the physical appearance for me to want to sleep with you. 

To further dissect the theory that porn somehow is a form of betrayal we must first ask if the idea of your spouse getting aroused by something or someone other than you is a cause of concern? For me it is not. A relationship is not a form of mind control and we are constantly in contact with things or other people we may find to be appealing.  Many things can be sources for sexual arousal for both men and women. Something as simple as reading erotic passages or an intense glances can get the juices flowing or the imagination wondering. Cheating by definition is the violation of a partners expectations that triggers an emotional feeling of betrayal. So as long as you're honest with your partner about your likes and dislikes and collaboratively discuss what you both consider to be an act of betrayal then watching a bit of porn is completely fine.