6/28/2018

Have you outgrown your job?

Many of us stick around in jobs that aren't benefiting us far too often because we're comfortable with what we're used to and that is a huge disservice to ourselves and places us at a disadvantage professionally. You should never conform to being too comfortable in anything you do. You're not in the growth state when you're living in your comfort zone and if you're not growing life is passing you by. This is especially true when thinking in terms of your professional life. You should never feel like you've reached a plateau professionally and if you feel like that then it an indication that it's time to move on. exhaustion Companies are always looking to out perform themselves year after year and you should  do the same for yourself. If you have an employer, never forget that you are expendable to an organization and in terms a "depreciating asset". Not to be harsh but lets face facts, you're aging and knowledge is constantly changing and each market is rapidly evolving. In order to contribute newer and fresher ideas that are aligned with the change in industries, you'll need to increase your skillset to make yourself indispensable to your current job or desirable to a potential new employer. If your company isn't investing in you to learn the latest innovation then you need to invest in yourself and that can only be achieved two ways. Taking classes to enhance your skillset or jumping ship to another company who is willing to train you. Either way you're getting out of your comfort zone and that's growth. For those of us who arent' sure if your not growing professionally below are a few indications that are telltale signs that it's time to move on.
  1. You're BORED at work. If you're constantly watching the clock and your daily responsiblities aren't challenging then it's time to either discuss this with your management or move on. Time is precious so don't waste time can be spent doing something more stimulating.
  2. Your current employer isn't utilizing your skills. If you've expressed to your current management that you could be doing more and they aren't willing to give you a try then take your skills and apply them to another company who will most likely compensate you more for what you know.
  3. Do you feel physically or mentally exhausted during the weekdays but okay on your own time? This is your body and subconscious telling you that it's underwhelmed and would rather be resting during those times that are spent on auto-pilot. Listen to your body and get in-tune with what your subconscious is trying to tell you.
  4. If your constantly worried about money  because you have more bills then pay then get out there and chase it. You already know more money wont come at your current position. Increase your knowledge by getting out of that comfort zone. Make a game plan with hard dates attached to achieve your goal and make sure you outline a road map to success. You'll get where you want and even if you don't quite make it to the set dollar amount you'll be better off than where you are currently. You just have to do it!

6/13/2018

Wednesday Motivation

Happy Hump Day Y'all!!!

UrShadyBFF

Have you guys checked out Jada Pinkett Smith's latest edition of her Red Table Talks? If not don't worry because I've got you. I really like her talks and how she incorporates her daughter and mother into the mix. Her Sex Talk episode was worth the watch. I especially liked how she said she got her first chat from her grandmother about self pleasure but I definitely question the age they were discussing sex toys being that 9 is a bit early in my opinion. I'm not telling my near 9 year old daughter that when she gets of age she should get that vibrator poppin. NOPE... I'll pass! But on the other hand I do have a 19 year old and I didn't have that discussion with her either about experimenting with sex toys but honestly at the age of 19, I did have a vibrator. I keeps me a pleasure toy on hand to this very day.

I think I never thought of sex toys as taboo but I don't recall having conversations with my girlfriends either because from what I remember I was the only one with a vibrator way back when. I've also always known I was sexually explorative and chalked it up to being a Scorpio. Regardless it's just always been a part of my identity and I just never had the desire to conform to the norms of bland sex until I got older. I guess some would've called me a sexual deviant at the time because lord knows my mother didn't understand it. I recall a time when my mother found one of my toys and videos because I liked having a variety and she damn near had a heart attack. I had vibrators, strap-ons, whips, tape, handcuffs, costumes, wings, videos, Ben Wa balls... you name it, I had and I was only about 20 at the time which is the same age as my daughter now and I wasn't ashamed of it AT ALL. Now that I'm a mom I would consider it a bit odd if my daughter had my arsenal but I do know that she's purchased her own introductory sex toy because she accidentally drop the tags but I didn't say anything to her because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable about her choice. Now that she's about to turn 20 and after watching the video I definitely want to make sure she knows and understands that self pleasure is great at helping you understand your body and helps you to understand your own likes and dislikes sexually. It also teaches you how to have an orgasm without stumbling on it accidentally down the road IF that down the road ever happens. You should definitely know what gets you off without equating it to a separate individual.  That how stalkers are developed. LOL
I once ran into an ex at the gym a few years ago and he said "you were the first girl I ever knew who had a vibrator and now everyone has one". At the same gym I would also see his wife whom I never met but recognized through pics on Facebook and I guess she recognized me too seeming as though she spent her entire time on the treadmill looking at me. I realized she knew who I was but like I said we've never formally met and I don't believe we were together when they started dating but either way he was never that important to me and only served as a late night creep but I definitely got the sense that I've come up in conversation for them.   I just laughed it all off then but thinking back on it I remember him calling me wayyy after we were through saying "hey... I just want you to know that I'm getting married" and I thought and most certainly said "WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME? Congrats!" but connecting those dots I must have held a special place in his memory bank with all my sex toys.

6/06/2018

Refresh your home for less!

There is no better time to spruce up your place like the season changing. From time to time your home space can start to feel a little mundane and you get the urge to switch it up a bit. However if you're like a lot of us out here living paycheck to paycheck then you're on a budget and don't have unlimited funds to ball out and re-decorate completely. Still there are ways to stay within your budget while adding just enough to see a noticeable change for the better in your home. When it's your turn this summer to entertain you'll be excited to welcome your friends into your newly decorated comfy space.

Tired of that old looking linoleum floor? Paint it! You can even get creative with a floor stencil to add a dramatic change for less. Update basic stairs or a drab bathroom floor with a fresh coat of paint and stencil for added flare. Stencils for flooring can be found at Home Depot or even Amazon for around $16. Grab a can of paint and get to painting. You'll be happy you did!

Decluttering is one of the most effective ways to make your home more serene and look more polished. The best part is that it cost absolutely nothing. Take a night normally spent binge watching Netflix and start purging old mail, clothes, shoes and trinkets that are lying around. We all have stuff that we're never going to use so make a project of it or start off small. Commit to throwing away 5 things a day for 10 days. You'll  definitely see a change and you'll feel better that you've done it. 

6/05/2018

Blake Lively - Fashion Win!!!

I love Blake Lively's style! Especially love the look she had for the the Deadpool 2 premier where she kept her formal look playful with a Judith Leiber bag and Ofira jewelz earrings. Blake also made sure to remind her followers that it takes a whole lot people to pull off one of these red carpet looks so don't beat yourself up too bad filtering your own pics to post. It's takes collective minds for these celebrities to slay.  It's also a part of her job to look . Which got me to thinking about how impactful if our attire is in our everyday lives and how it impacts how we're perceived on the job?



Increasingly our visual senses are overly utilized due to all of the social media platforms designed to keep us in touch but actually feeds into an overwhelming appeal to vanity. Constantly peeking into others lives only stimulate our visual perceptions and drives the urge to judge others strictly on their outward appearance. As a society we're constantly making conclusions on others fulfillment, competencies and joy based solely on what we see within the first few moments of interaction.

Since we understand that there is a preconceived view of what work attire should be, what does your professional wardrobe say about you? Can your professional career be stunted strictly based on what someone else perceives you to be based on your attire??? I believe it's done everyday. Is it right? No but we certainly pass judgment on people based on their appearance and the management staff at your office is no different than you and I so of course your appearance holds weight when people are interacting with you within the office.

Read How to get a professional wardrobe



How to get a professional wardrobe without breaking the bank- Women's Edition

Having a professional appearance doesn't have to break the bank. It's all about selecting a few key pieces that give you the appearance of upward mobility that you desire. As discussed in another post your 9-5 appearance definitely has an impact on how others in the office perceives you and that includes your boss. Not only does your on the job performance matter but your physical look holds just as much weight as your last resolved task on that expanding to-do list. The problem that most of us have is not knowing how to spend our hard earned money on items that reflect a winning persona without spending your entire paycheck on looking the part. Let's face it, we all have multiple wardrobes in our closets and your leisurely attire should hold more presidency in your closet because it's more likely to express your true individuality. It's that part of you that reflects your true identity and uniqueness but we all still have to earn a living. So let's us assist you in looking the part of the upper management without bleeding your wallet.



1.  A plain black below the knee pencil skirt. Thinks Suits because whomever styles their crew is on point! A pencil works well with everything and since it's black can be worn twice in a week with different shirts and accessories. It's elegantly sleek and classic and pairs well with anything. Pencil skirts also compliment all body types because it allows for you to hide or accentuate accordingly and adds an instantly polished look. The one featured below is from Sears and can be purchased for less than $16.

2. A neutral color silk textured shirt. It's another classic piece that pairs well with other items and instantly adds a polished professional look. It can also be worn on casual Friday's along with denim to give off a casual professional look that says I'm still business and can be paired with any accessories to take you from the office to happy hour effortlessly. This will probably be the most costly item on your shopping list but it's well worth it. A great silk top is a wise investment and the neutral color allows for it to be a staple in your wardrobe for years to come so the investment pays off.

5/17/2018

Wendy has to do better when talking about Mehgan

I honestly have a love/hate relationship with Wendy and her views on things. I feel that she's negative and overly critical on somethings and tries to cover up her bitterness and self loathing with the "I don't care" comments but she's made a living off of slanging dirt so let's get into it. I am beyond sick of her talking about how ghetto Meghan Markle is "suppose" to be and how she's conning her way into the royal family. Why make assumptions about that woman's character based on where she's from? That's the most racially charged shit I've seen on television and it makes me look at Wendy with the side eye. What she's implying when she makes those baseless comments is that everyone who lives or comes from an urban area lacks class and composer and that is NOT true!!! Talking about how Meghan's "a black woman from Crenshaw"... please miss me with the bullshit! Yet all we hear about is her OTHER family who happens to be white that is constantly acting out wanting their 15 minutes of fame. Yet we hear absolutely NOTHING from her family from "Crenshaw".



Then there is the constant implication that she's somehow sleeping her way into the royal family but Mehgan had already established a viable acting career and by no means seems to be using Harry for anything. He didn't pick her from destitution! She was earning a decent living and building her own celebrity status prior to meeting Harry yet all Wendy seems to concentrate on is how she somehow trapped him with her "snapping Gyro". By the way as a woman she's suppose to have a "snapping Gyro" and feel hell of good about how she works it too! There is nothing wrong with being comfortable sexually and hopefully any man that chooses to marry a woman loves the way his woman lays it down in the bed. Use all those yoga moves on there thang and WHAT!

There are plenty of women who married up and were literally plotting on finding a successful man to help them move up in life but I honestly feel that Mehgan does not fit that mold. When Wendy belittles her success and suggests that she's somehow less than because of where she came from is a testament of how Wendy thinks about women and more importantly "black women" which is sad. Besides isn't Wendy currently employing her own husband who "allegedly" has a mistress who lives blocks away from her home in a house she basically brought?!    
via GIPHY

5/15/2018

Sephora's Free Facials

Now that I've got your attention with the word "free" allow me to clarify the point. There is absolutely nothing free at Sephora but the Perk Hydrating Facial is complimentary with a purchase of $75 dollars which isn't really a bad deal at all. Actually you're going to spend the $75 anyway. Why not get a bonus hydrating facial while bleeding your wallet?

The hydration facial promises to exfoliate and hydrate and you actually witness the debris from your clogged pores being extracted into a jar. I must always warn you that the reviews left by some Aesthetician's were less than favorable due to the lack of formal certification of the Sephora technicians but Sephora advises that all employees are trained on how to properly work with the machine and the clients skin. With that little disclaimer out there I'm still willing to be a test dummy for all of you. I've scheduled my appointment for next weekend because I do love a good facial and know that hydration is a MUST so I'll update this story after I've experienced it myself. Our skin is the largest organ on our bodies and keeping your skin healthy and glowing is imperative. I'm sure you know that most of the healthy glow comes from what you actually put into your body which is why water is so important but that doesn't mean there aren't helpful products that exist.

My go to products for ensuring my skin stays hydrated during my morning routine is Ultimate Miracle Worker which has spf 30 to protect against UV rays. Then at night I like to use a prescription retinoid cream and then Hope in a Jar or plan Vaseline around the eyes and smile lines two nights a week. I've been an advocate for retinoid cream for a long time since I've always struggled with acne. My skin is one of my hot topic areas and I make sure I visit a dermatologist annually to discuss not only the skin on my face but my scalp and dry itchy patches on my body (primarily my upper back) and retinol has always been the go to prescription in different dosages.





5/09/2018

Gala Fashion

The fashion from the Met Gala has been reviewed multiple times but I wanted to add to the review of Wendy's fashion squad because they were right on point with their reviews but missed one in particular and that was Zendaya.  Zendaya SLAYED her Joan of Arc look!!!! She was the nights winner in regards to keeping with the theme because it was definitely original and outside of the box in regards to Catholicism. You're clearly able to see the costume being presented with the armor while remaining sexy. The layering and styling which included the hair and color were all perfectly executed and that is why this entire look was an all out 100 in my book.

We've all seen Rihanna's look but she was definitely my 2nd favorite for originality but Rih is always the Met Gala fashion winner every year in my opinion so to see Zendaya come stomp the yard... Flawless execution. So much so that I searched to find who her stylist Law Roach also styled for the evening and it was Ariana Grande who's look I didn't like so much but it was custom Vera Wang which featured pictures from Sistine Chapel.

Although Wendy and her team mentioned Kim's gold dress and said that it used as a marketing tool to mimic her recently released perfume I still was not impressed because it lacked originality. Outside of that everything else I agreed with. 
      

3/19/2018

Be Urself In the Workplace

I recently read an article in Huffington Post Black Voices that could transcend across racial lines to include all cultural divides and even gender but let's stay with the topic set by the article. I myself have felt the range of emotions in the workplace and I've definitely experienced some bias but something that I've learned along my journey is that I cannot let other peoples negativity sway my self perception. In addition someones negativity will not intervene with my professionalism in the work-place and what it all boils down to is your professionalism. U I will share a true story that helped me ease the boundaries that I felt in the workplace once when I was going on a team building trip with co-workers in the middle of Arkansas. Keep in mind for the newbies to my blog that I am an I.T. professional. I've been in I.T. for over 10 years and once, prior to going on a work team building trip with my colleagues I was debating on what to do with my hair since I'm natural (with a relaxer). I really was debating what to do for days and I casually mentioned it in a group setting and one of my colleagues who happen to be a Vietnamese middle aged man said "why don't you just braid it?" and I swear I was in shock. hahaha I had NEVER braided my hair at all beforehand in my I.T. job because I feared it wouldn't be perceived as unprofessional but here I was putting boundaries on myself. Needless to say that I put box braids in my hair and went on the weekend work trip and I did receive the normal questions about how I care for the braids etc. but overall after the few questions and the regular "I love your braids" comments I was over it. It wasn't as uncomfortable of an experience as I thought it would be. I later ventured into wig for protective styles and I could careless who knows it's a damn wig on a Tuesday. Everyone has seen my natural bob cut and if they see a short pixie then they know it's a wig. Still every now and then if I do wear my hair out of my traditional everyday Bob then I do get the occasional "did you cut your hair" or "I didn't recognize you". Fast forward to just a few weeks ago I saw another middle aged white colleague with bright pink hair. I chalked it up to a mid life experience and in my own mind took a mental note that she too probably pondered over that decision for a while and add in the age factor and I'm sure the comments she received were through the roof but but to each his/her own. Hey... if you like it then I love it. None of your personal expressions should interfere with work performance and it all boils down to your work performance. Similarly to any social setting you'll find those who vibe with you or not and if not then that's okay too. One thing for certain is that you should always try to find little things that make you happy and gives others a true sense of your identity whatever that may be. You're only doing a disservice to yourself if you try to suppress your individuality to fit in. It's the same with school and something that I've told my own daughter for years... do you and if need be get comfortable being by yourself and doing things that feel good to you. No one else has to travel your journey and for the most part other people are soul searching too. It takes a lot practice to be comfortable in your own company. We all vibrate at different frequencies and finding the frequency that best fits your identity, you'll also find your tribe. Your tribe are those who vibe at the same frequency as you. Vibrating at your optimal peak will always lead you in the right direction in life and you'll get a sense of those people who vibrations are similar to you. Let your intuition guide you and let the naysayers watch while you shine.
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1/04/2018

Netflix and Chill???

The weather on the east coast has been brutal as of late so what better past time is there than watching Netflix. I've been Netflix and chilling for a minutes now with the recent holidays and timeoff from work so when I stumbled upon a documentary named "Requiem for the American Dream" and it was truly disheartening. At the same time it was an intelligent depiction of what the American Dream and democracy has progressed into. It really does a phenomenal job of explaining the illusion of democracy and how the elite keep the masses cloaked in fear and doubt to exploit the masses for cheap labor while lining their pockets like no other time in history. It summarizes our society up perfectly and explains that working for pennies on the dollar is actually the modern day slavery and has been so for a very long time. Narrated by Noam Chomsky a political activist and historian. It's definitely worth the time if you're looking for something good to watch and eventhough it's non-fiction and a bit dry, I highly recommend it.
 

1/02/2018

New Year... New Office


We’re now 2 days into the new year and I’m officially about to head back into the office tomorrow but it’s daunting. I’ve become extremely comfortable browsing online stores for deals and staying at home with family. So much in fact that I’ve invested a few dollars in sprucing up my own home office for the new year and adding a few things that can transition from my home office to my actual office and I thought I would share.

I definitely believe in writing things down so imagine my surprise when I saw a super cute journal online for cheap. I mean I literally have “to-do list”, shopping list, personal notes and business notes on Post It’s all over my office and I needed a new cute notebook that I can carry around with me everywhere. Also my little comic desk top calendar ended so I was definitely in need of a replacement and I got both a notebook and a cute calendar from www.niftysgits.com. I mean it’s really cute stuff!!! How could I actually resist especially since I’ve been taking advantage of the all after Christmas sales? Take a look around and don’t say I’ve never done anything for you.